Method of Halaalah

Q: I am divorced for 2 years. Now my husband wants me back and we want to do halaala. How do we go about doing this?

A. Although Nikah to your ex-husband will be valid after the second husband divorces you and you observe the period of Iddat; it is sinful to plan it (the Halaalah) this way.

Rasulullah (Sallallaahu Alayhi wa Sallam has cursed people who marry solely for the purpose of Halaalah. (Ibni Maajah V1 P622).

If she gets married a second time and coincidentally the second husband divorces her or he dies and thereafter she marries the first husband again, they will not fall under this curse mentioned in the Hadeeth.

Remember that only Nikah with the second purpose does not suffice. After he makes Nikah with you, he has to share your bed too, i.e. he has to have a sexual relationship with you. (Al Hindiyyah V1 P473).

Mufti Siraj adds:
However, if a third party arranged this Nikah to you, without you speaking to the man directly, then this will be allowed and will not fall under the curse mentioned in Hadeeth. This means that you go to a third person and ask him to arrange a partner for you but to inform the would-be husband the reason why this Nikah should take place. In this way you will have no negotiation with the second husband.

Also note that for the Halaalah to be valid and for you to be able to come back to your first husband, it is necessary that the second husband has sexual relations with you.

Moulana Yusuf Laher
Checked and approved by: Mufti Siraj Desai

Consentual Sex Before Marriage

Q: Can a boy and girl engage in sex with mutual understanding before marriage?

A: Any type of relationship between a male and female is forbidden and Haraam before Nikah (marriage), whether there is mutual understanding or not. It will be permissible after Nikah.

Moulana Yusuf Laher
Checked by: Mufti Siraj Desai

Marrying a Jehovah's Witness

Q: Is it allowed in Islam that a Muslim man marry a Jehovah's Witness girl?

A. It is Haraam for a Muslim to marry a non-Muslim, whether he or she is Jehovah’s Witness or Protestant or Catholic or Jew or Hindu or whatever. Such a marriage is not valid and is akin to Zina.

Mufti Siraj Desai

Time for Walimah

Q: Can one have the walimah the same day of the nikah (marriage)?

A. Waleemah may be held the same day as the Nikah, but after it, not before. And to comply with the Sunnah, the boy and girl should spend a few moments in seclusion after marrying and before the Waleemah. It is not necessary for them to engage in sexual relations in those few moments.

Moulana Yusuf Laher
Checked and approved by: Mufti Siraj Desai

Staying with Parents

Q: Can I stay at my parent's place if my husband is abroad? I don't want to stay in his house because he has a joint family and those people are ill mannered. As I have a 2 month old baby I don't want to stay there.

A: According to Shariah, under the circumstances mentioned by you, it will be permissible for you to stay in your parents home while your husband is abroad.

And Allah Knows Best

Mufti Siraj Desai

Contact During Engagement

Q: Can a boy send letter to a girl with whome he is engaged?

A. Premarital relations are not allowed in Islam. Even if there is no physical sexual relationship, it is still not permissible. The Hadeeth explains: It is narrated from Sayyidina Abu Hurayrah (Radhiyallaahu Anhu) that Rasulullah (Sallallaahu Alayhi wa Sallam) said:

Fornication (Zina) of the eyes is the gaze. Fornication of the ears is to listen. Fornication of the tongue is the speech. Fornication of the hands is to touch. Fornication of the feet is to walk, and the heart desires and hopes. The private part either confirms it or negates it. (Muslim V8 P52)

Usually an 'engagement' takes place whereby it is now confirmed that this boy and girl will marry in the near future. This engagement is not a licence for the boy and girl to have any contact; whether by meeting, by phone, email, letters, etc. Many a time although they were engaged, they changed their minds and never married. A relationship of any type between boy and girl is only allowed after Nikah. According to Shari'ah they are 'strangers' before Nikah, notwithstanding the engagement. Whoever has a relationship (courting) before marriage, will fall under the category of the Hadeeth mentioned.

The Qur'aan says: “So marry them (women) with the permission of their families, and pay them their dowries in an equitable amount, while these women should remain chaste (before marriage), without fornicating not taking illicit friendships (i.e. boy-friends).” (Surah Nisaa, verse 25). The same theme is mentioned in two more places in the Holy Qur'aan. These verses prove that courting is Haraam.

Moulana Yusuf Laher
Checked and approved by: Mufti Siraj Desai

Spouses Undressing

Q: Wife and husband can undressed upto which level?

A. They can undress completely but should cover themselves with a sheet or blanket, etc. during intercourse. Although it is permissible to view each others private parts, modesty demands that husband and wife cover themselves. This is advice in the Hadeeth (Musannaf Abdur Razzaaq V6 P194). This Hadeeth says that when going to the wife (to fulfill one's desire), do not be naked like asses.

It is mentioned that viewing each others private parts causes forgetfulness.

Moulana Yusuf Laher
Checked and approved by: Mufti Siraj Desai

Importance of Walima

Q: What is the importance of Walima in Islam? My walima was not done due to the of death of my uncle.

A. The Waleemah feast is Sunnah and not a compulsory act. If it is left out, no sin will be incurred. It is a misconception to think that a Waleemah has to be a lavish feast, with many people invited. Two or three people can be invited with the intention of Waleemah and something simple is served, e.g. a few glasses of milk, or tea and biscuits, etc. Issues such as venue, amount or types of food are immaterial. We advise the boy gives a simple Waleemah by inviting Muslim friends and members of the girls family. Death of the uncle should not have prevented a small Waleemah for the purpose of fulfilling the Sunnah. Waleemah should only be done within the first two days after Nikah, and not thereafter.

Moulana Yusuf Laher
Checked and approved by: Mufti Siraj Desai

When to Marry

Q: I am 19 years old, going into university next year. I am hoping to finish my hifz and am involved with dawah activites also. The main point is that I am not earning, but I feel I need to get married. I have found a perfect spouse for myself, whom I believe will also increase me in taqwa and acts of rightousness. With the points above in mind, when would you recommend me to get married? How do I approach my parents becuase they may think I am too young etc.?

A. The Hadeeth mentions that when a person is capable of getting married, he should do so. By marrying, one will be saved from many sins, Inshaa Allah Ta'aala. One of the requirements is that a person must provide his wife with a separate place to stay and also fend for her (food, clothing, medicine, etc). It is necessary that you earn to fulfil this requirement of marriage. If you feel that you should get married soon, forego your studies for the moment, work so that you may be able to support a wife and get married. You can study later. On the other hand, if you are positive that you can go through studies without getting married and without committing sin, study first and marry later. The other alternative is to secure a bursary that will be sufficient for you and a wife during your studies.

Mufti Siraj adds: You may also marry now but start living together later in life, once you have secured yourself a good job. In the meantime she can continue living with her parents. Once you have made Nikah the two of you can communicate and meet freely because you are now Halaal for each other, but this will only be possible if her parents agree.
May Allah guide you towards the best decision, Aameen.

Moulana Yusuf Laher
Checked and approved by: Mufti Siraj Desai

Singing for Husband

Q: Is it permissible for a wife to sing romantic songs to her husband only?

A. It is permissible for the wife to sing romantic songs for her husband with these conditions:
a) No one else must be able to listen to the singing.
b) The source of the song must not be from a Haraam source, e.g. films, pop singers, etc.
c) The words of the song must be Islamically correct.

Moulana Yusuf Laher
Checked and approved by: Mufti Siraj Desai

Nikah at Bridegrooms Home

Q: Is Nikah (marriage) at the bridegroom's home possible?

A. Unless there is a valid reason, Nikah should not be performed anywhere besides in the Masjid. The Hadeeth states that the Nikah should be proclaimed by performing them in the Masaajid. (Tirmidhi V3 P398). However, it will be permissible at the home of the bridegroom.

Moulana Yusuf Laher
Checked and approved by: Mufti Siraj Desai

Requirements for Valid Marriage

Q: What are all the requirements for a nikah (marriage) to be valid?

A. Both boy and girl must be Baaligh and sane. The girl must grant her permission to get her married to that particular boy. The boy must accept. At least two witnesses should be present. The two witnesses should also here the declaration and the acceptance. The witnesses should be two males or one male and two females.

Moulana Yusuf Laher
Checked and approved by: Mufti Siraj Desai

Courting in Islam

Q: Is courting allowed in Islam?

A. Premarital relations are not allowed in Islam. Even if there is no physical sexual relationship, it is still not permissible. The Hadeeth explains: It is narrated from Sayyidina Abu Hurayrah (Radhiyallaahu Anhu) that Rasulullah (Sallallaahu Alayhi wa Sallam) said:

Fornication (Zina) of the eyes is the gaze. Fornication of the ears is to listen. Fornication of the tongue is the speech. Fornication of the hands is to touch. Fornication of the feet is to walk, and the heart desires and hopes. The private part either confirms it or negates it. (Muslim V8 P52)

Usually an 'engagement' takes place whereby it is now confirmed that this boy and girl will marry in the near future. This engagement is not a licence for the boy and girl to have any contact; whether by meeting, by phone, email, etc. Many a time although they were engaged, they changed their minds and never married. A relationship of any type between boy and girl is only allowed after Nikah. According to Shari'ah they are 'strangers' before Nikah, notwithstanding the engagement. Whoever has a relationship (courting) before marriage, will fall under the category of the Hadeeth mentioned.

The Qur'aan says: “So marry them (women) with the permission of their families, and pay them their dowries in an equitable amount, while these women should remain chaste (before marriage), without fornicating not taking illicit friendships (i.e. boy-friends).” (Surah Nisaa, verse 25). The same theme is mentioned in two more places in the Holy Qur'aan. These verses prove that courting is Haraam.

Moulana Yusuf Laher
Checked and approved by: Mufti Siraj Desai

Procedure for Marriage

Q: I intend getting married, but I do not have a potential partner. What is your advice?

A. Ask the elders in your family to seek a good girl for you. When looking for a girl for marriage, always give preference to the piety of the girl over anything else. Learn about the laws and rules of marriage. Start improving and increasing your Deeni actions and inculcate within yourself tolerance and patience. May Allah Ta'aala grant you a pious girl and grant you a blissful marriage, Aameen.

Moulana Yusuf Laher
Checked and approved by: Mufti Siraj Desai

Repentance from Adultery

Q: For last 3 years I had sex with prostitutes on a regular basis. I have made tawbah (repentance) previously but again relapsed to this great sin. Now I really feel shattered and even feel too bad to ask for Allah's mercy. What should I do?

The other thing is my parents want me to get married. Should I ever get married? If I never get married and never have sex in my life again will Allah forgive me?

A. The fact that you have regret is a good sign. It is mentioned in a Hadeeth that regret is also Taubah. Even though you have previously made Taubah and relapsed, do not become despondent. A person with Imaan never becomes despondent of the mercy of Allah Ta'aala. It is the deception of Shaytaan when a person 'feels bad' to ask for the mercy of Allah. Shaytaan wants that you become despondent and cease making Taubah. Do not fall prey to his tricks. Why should a person stop making Taubah if he has not given up committing sin? A Buzurg says in a poem that if you fall a hundred times then get up a hundred times. Do not remain where you have fallen. Whenever a sin is committed, it is the incumbent duty of the bondsman to resort to Taubah, irrespective of the sin being repeated. One day that Taubah will have its desired effect and that person will give up that sin completely Inshaa Allah.

Previous sins should not deter a person from marriage. Never having sex again is not part of the Taubah. Divine forgiveness is attained by repenting and thereafter staying away from that sin. You do not have to give up sex completely to gain the forgiveness of Allah. By marrying, you will now make the sexual relationship Halaal for yourself with your wife. This is one the purposes of marriage; to abstain from Haraam and enjoy that which is Halaal (your wife). May Allah accept your Taubah and grant you piety, Aameen.

Moulana Yusuf Laher
Checked and approved by: Mufti Siraj Desai

Private Marriage

Q: I was in love with a girl. We got our nikah done not in a mosque but privately: I asked her if she would marry me and she said yes. Two of my friends were witnesses at the time when this happened. Couple of month later I gave her one talaq (divorce) but I did rujoo (took her back in nikah) the next day. After that we were normal, but a couple of months later I gave her 2 talaqs. Is my nikah completely over? Was my nikah valid in the 1st place or was it not valid?

A. It was completely wrong to have this Nikah done privately, without the permission of the parents. Although wrong, the Nikah in your case was valid. Three Talaaqs have taken place and you cannot remarry her without her first marrying someone else.

Moulana Yusuf Laher

Checked and approved by: Mufti Siraj Desai

Husband and Female Friends on Facebook

Q: My husband has a facebook account and on there he has female friends, something which I am not totally comfortable with. He says it's nothing personal, just time to time messages or something of that sort. Is this permissible and how can I convince him that it is wrong Islamically?

A. It is not permissible for a man to have ANY contact with a non-Mahram female, be it telephonic, via sms, or mixit or facebook messaging, unless the communication is strictly business. So your husband is wrong if he thinks he can just chat over the net to other females. This is totally Haraam and is Zina of the fingers (typing out messages to a non-Mahram woman) just as it is Zina of the tongue to speak to her and Zina of the hands to touch and so forth.

Secondly, Islam teaches that any act that leads to sin or becomes the stepping stone towards sin is also sinful and must be avoided. Clearly this act of your husband will lead to sin. For example, he might be fantasizing over these women after reading their messages. In fact, from my experience in dealing with these cases, most men share crude and rude messages with women over facebook and mixit, but because it is easy to cover their dirty tracks, they lie and say ‘we are just communicating for fun’. This is their idea of fun, but Shari'ah condemns it. Please show this answer to your husband, or send it to his mail or if possible get it to him via this facebook thing.

Allah make it easy for you and grant him the ability to change his life, Aameen.

Mufti Siraj Desai

Husband Telling Wife He Doesn't Like Her

Q: Can a man tell his wife honestly that he does not like her?

A: Would a husband like it if his wife tells him that? This life is short; it must come to an end. If there are certain things in her that you dislike, surely she has some qualities in her which are likeable. Focus on those likeable qualities in her and also the shortcomings within yourself. This will make forbearance easier upon you. Do not break her heart. If you maintain Sabr, you will reap great benefits in this world and assuredly in the hereafter. By keeping her happy and suppressing your feeling of dislike for her, Allah Ta'aala will grant you elevated stages, Inshaa Allah.

If your son-in-law tells that to your daughter, as a father it would definitely cause you grief. Similarly, your wife is someone's daughter, someone's sister, etc. Sayyidina Abu Hurayrah (Radhiyallaahu Anhu) narrates that Rasulullah (Sallallaahu Alayhi wa Sallam said: A Mu'min (believing male) should not despise a Mu'minah (a believing woman). If he dislikes a quality in her, there will be another quality in her which he will be pleased with. (Mishkaat V2 P236). This Hadeeth refers particularly to husband and wife. The lesson in this Hadeeth is to focus on the good qualities of the wife and to ignore those aspects of her that you do not like.

May Allah Ta'aala grant you Sabr and harmony. Aameen.

Moulana Yusuf Laher
Checked and approved by: Mufti Siraj Desai

Sex During Pregnancy

Q: Is sex allowed during pregnancy and when should it stop?

A: Sex during pregnancy is permissible on condition that this does not cause any physical harm to the baby. This too, will determine the time when it should stop.

Mufti Siraj Desai

Wife Masturbating Husband

Q: Can a wife masturbate her husband?

A. It is permissible for the wife to masturbate the husband. It is not permissible for him to do it with his own hand. (Raddul Muhtaar V15 P75).

Mufti Siraj Desai